My Week Was Simply Weird
by Psyga315
Summary: A man becomes devastated when his home away from home, Molossia, gets invaded. Drama and Angst ensue as he confronts his failure to protect Molossia. Kickassia-fic. OC as Main Character. Sequel to My Day Is Simply Weird.
1. Invasion Begins

(Note: I am going to take some liberties with this so that way it will not be exactly Kickassia but with an added character to witness it all. Hope no one minds.)

{Disclaimer: I do not own Kickassia, or any character related to the crossover.}

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><p>My week was simply... weird. To explain what happened is to explain a little bit about my past. As of May 17th, 2010, it has been a year and one month since I lost my home in a devastating war. If I told my mom how I lost it, she would put me in the loony bin. Everyone seemed to think that a nuclear meltdown was what destroyed part of Chicago. I am here to say no, that did not happen. On that morning, I woke up and saw the weirdest sight ever, weirder than that "fight" between a Jay Sherman reject, a Captain N reject, and a nerd. What I saw was Jesus, as some sort of robot. He had like, thousands upon thousands of weapons on him and was like a tank. He was fighting <em>another<em> Jesus, only this Jesus' head was on the body of an ape, and has the arms of a robot. He also rode on a cloud of smoke. The eventual fight ended in part of Chicago being blown up. And I was there to witness it all. I ran out of my house before the fight could get critical though, taking whatever money I had. When the explosion came, I was already far from it to not be killed. I had to stay in a hotel for about a week. It was not a fun experience. There was a guy going around screaming "ADAMANTIUM RAGE!" and punching things and I had met a girl crying that she had no self-respect. I asked her what was wrong and she told me about a man who slept with her. The way she described the man sickened me to the point in which if I ever met this guy, I would punch him in the face. The place was getting weirder and weirder and I had to find a way out. I went down to the local bar and asked a few people where to get away. Tons of people said the Bahamas, Mexico, Cuba, and the Dominican Republic. These were all good ideas, but I wanted to stay in the country. Finally, one of the people, an old man, told me to go to a small place called Molossia, near Nevada. It was going to be a long trip, but it would be worth leaving a place where I could die from two giant mechanical Jesuses fighting each other. So I got in my car and traveled towards Dayton, Nevada, taking only one sleep as I traveled.

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><p>When I had arrived at Dayton, the first thing I did was ask people where Molossia was. They warned me that a crazy man known as Kevin Baugh ran Molossia. If he were anymore crazier than Mr. "ADAMANTIUM RAGE!" was then I would skip town. Fortunately, I did not have to. When I arrived, I first met the President, who I explained to him my situation. Well, I didn't explain the part about the Mecha Christs, and just told him that there was a giant explosion that took my home. He told me that he could not accept me as a citizen of Molossia due to the small size, but instead offered to pay me money in exchange for work as his gardener. I accepted the offer and with the house I bought from the money I took from my old house, my life became stable again. Although I lived in Dayton, the Molossians considered me part of their world, thanks to my frequent travels. I found the place peaceful. Throughout the whole year, I grew with the Molossians, as if they were old friends. I was even comfortable enough to tell the President what really happened to my home, and he accepted it. This made me forget the day I lost my home. I always thought the peaceful micro-nation would never be invaded. Until the afternoon of May 17th, 2010.<p>

I was staying at a hotel in Dayton due to my house being fumigated. I was walking back to my room after having some lunch when I heard shouting from a room adjacent to mine. The door was halfway open, as if the owner of that room forgot to close it. I was curious, so just stood there by the door as I heard the most shocking thing.

"We're going to take over the land of Molossia!" I wanted to gasp, but I was afraid someone might hear me. I did not know if they were joking or if they were serious, but as I heard the things their "leader" said, like asking them if they had any desire of ruling their own nation and what they can't do with an acre of land, I was convinced that it was the latter. The leader soon compared a pessimistic member to the Nazis, and then he compared _himself and everyone in that room_ to the Nazis. That is when I realized. Neo-Nazis were going to invade Molossia. That or generic comic book super villains what with that whole "First Molossia, then the world!" speech. My heart pounded. These guys were for real. I had to warn Baugh. I ran into my room. Then I heard a stampede. I looked through the viewing hole of my door and saw not one or two people, but a dozen people running off. They were going to take over Molossia _right now_. I ran to the phone and dialed Baugh's house number. After a long ring, Baugh answered.

"Oh hey, you're that gardener. How are you doing? Heard you had fumigators." Baugh said.

"Look, People, possibly Neo-Nazis, are going to invade you!" I said to him.

"Yeah, I know, their leader told me about it. They are actually outside of my house right now. Don't worry, I got it under control." He said. He then hung up. I began to pant. This was not going to end well. I sat on my bed, and began to huddle into a fetal position. First robotic Jesuses blew up my first home, then my second home was gassed, and now my home away from home is being invaded. Was there nowhere for me to go?

After a while, I heard screaming. I ran to the door and looked through the hole in the door. It was the invaders, running back to their room. After a while, I saw something else in the hall. It was a giant circle of fire, and in that circle was a robed man with blue and black face paint. It was floating away. I opened the door as it passed me.

"Hey! Who are you? Or rather, _what _are you?" I asked the sphere. The sphere turned around.

"My name is Dr. Smith!" The weird man said, jumping and waving his hands about like a loon.

"So, Dr. Smith… were you in that meeting?" I asked him.

"Ah, yes, I was. I told them that we should use a legion of spiiiiiiders to attack Molossia, but they rejected my idea!" Dr. Smith said. I then thought for a bit. The legion of spiders would be helpful...

"Say, Dr. Smith, do you need a place to crash at?" I asked him.

"Well, since I _am_ far from my home, I might as well consider. What are you suggesting?" He asked me.

"Well, I'll let you stay. In exchange for helping me defend Molossia." I told him.

"Will I use my legion of spiiiiiiiders?" He asked. I smirked.

"Yes. They may help us." I said.

As of May 17th, 2010, it has been a year and one month since I lost my home in a devastating war. And I sure as hell wasn't going to lose another one.


	2. Occupation Begins

Today was the day Molossia would be changed forever. Dr. Smith and I went over to Molossia early in the morning to catch the worm. However, I did not get enough sleep last night as I couldn't sleep with some guy next door screaming about not giving in to the madness or whatever. We soon arrived at Molossia; thankfully, the invaders did not beat us to the punch. We had enough time to talk to President Baugh. I ran over to the house and knocked on the door. He opened and looked at me.

"I don't think today is the right day for gardening." President Baugh said.

"No, I'm not here for that. I'm here to defend Molossia." I said to him. President Baugh then looked at Dr. Smith.

"And who's your friend?" President Baugh asked me.

"Oh, this is Dr. Smith. He's going to help us defend Molossia." I told him.

"I seemed to handle defending Molossia all by myself." President Baugh told me.

"Well, I have a theory that the invaders are going to come back bigger and stronger than before." I told him. There was a brief pause until he sighed. He began to speak.

"Fine. You and your weird friend can help. Just stand behind the house and guard the backyard." He said. So we went. It was going to be a while before we would hear anything.

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><p>The first thing we heard was gunshots. We then heard more gunshots, then explosions, then sounds of a cannon being fired. Then we saw part of the house blow up from a redirected cannon blast. That sound made me jump and gave me shivers.<p>

"Dr. Smith, I hope you can help me…" I told him.

"Don't worry. Me and my legion of spiiiiiiiiiiiders will make sure Molossia is safe." Dr. Smith said. Then we heard screaming. I looked towards the fence. It was the invaders, clawing at the fence like zombies. I blinked in confusion.

"What?" I said flatly. Some of the invaders took a ladder and it fell over to the other side. They then got out a footstool. At that time, I ran and grabbed the ladder. I figured that I might as well have a weapon myself. They climbed over. As I would have guessed it, nearly all of them came with weapons, and in different costumes. Their leader stepped towards me. He was dressed like M. Bison, but had a goatee and glasses. I assumed it _was_ M. Bison.

"So… You're one of Kevin Baugh's bodyguards?" M. Bison asked me. His voice sounded like he was in a Shakespearean play.

"No. I am his gardener, but for today, you can call me a defender…" I told him.

"Hah! You may call yourself a defender, but at the end of the day, you shall be called a coward! Benzaie, throw the bear bomb! The rest of us shall confront Baugh!" M. Bison ordered. The invaders charged, but in front of them were thousands of tiny spiders.

"SPIIIIIIIIIIIIIDERS!" Dr. Smith said.

"Damn you, Dr. Smith! I knew you would go to the other side!" M. Bison yelled. Some of the invaders began to fire their weapons at the spiders. I looked at the one holding a small white stuffed bear. This bespectacled man hugged the bear before flinging the bear at me. The bear had a grenade strapped to it. I tried to block it with my ladder, but the bear exploded, flinging me to a wall where I banged my head. Everything began to go black as I saw the invaders killing the last of the spiders and running off.

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><p>I awoke to see dozens of dead spiders, with M. Bison and his army staring at me. I tried to move my arms but I saw that my arms were tied to the fence by garden hoses.<p>

"Well, 'defender', look where you are now." M. Bison said, having a smug grin. I struggled to get out of the hoses. "Oh, my dear friend, there are only two ways out. You may either acknowledge me as the Ruler of Kickassia, or die!" M. Bison said. I continued to struggle.

"Where's Smith?" I said.

"He was squashed like the bug that he was. You shall suffer that same fate, unless you submit." M. Bison said. His eyes were staring down on mine. I began to sweat. Somehow, I unconsciously nodded. Maybe my survival instinct kicked in. M. Bison laughed. "What did I tell you? At the end of the day, you are a coward! Phallus! Untie him and escort him back to his car!" M. Bison said. A redshirted man with a beard and moustache rolled his eyes and untied me.

"Come along, oh, and the name is Phelous." He said as I followed him. He walked me to my car and opened it for me.

"Uh, Phelous, I'm scheduled to garden tomorrow, so if your leader doesn't mind; I can come and garden the lawn tomorrow." I told him, as if the invasion was nothing more than an inconvenience. This was not the emotion I wanted, this calm open expression. I wanted to scream, kick, and fight. But no. My survival instinct got the better of me. I got in the car and drove off to my hotel. I was perfectly calm, keeping my smile until I got to my room. Once I did, I hit the pillow and began to cry in it. I began to repeat to myself, "I'm sorry for being so weak…" repeatedly.

Today was the day Molossia would be changed forever. And now I have to call it Kickassia…


End file.
